did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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