After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
