um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
