She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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