am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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