oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
