I think I won the penis lottery.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
