dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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