He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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