I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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