Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
