anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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