"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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