My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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