This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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