dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
