I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
