Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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