It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
