he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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