Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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