I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
