Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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