Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
