I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
