so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
