we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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