Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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