It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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