just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i would punch a child for taco bell
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
