I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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