Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
