A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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