Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
