FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
