I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she smelled like a LAN party
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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