HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
