..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
