Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
