Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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