I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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