I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
