I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
