i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
