11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
