He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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