i need an iv and a liver transplant
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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