You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
