If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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