I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
