My first STD was from a foam party
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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