The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
