and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
