I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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