The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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