i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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