I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
