we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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