She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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