My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
