I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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