Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
