Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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