What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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