You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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