there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
