Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize