Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
