She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize