ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
