The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
