come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ketchup is God's man juice
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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