So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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