i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
