He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am available for nakedness
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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