That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
